Two graduations, five visits home, empty nesting, sick mom, long distance children, new job responsibilities, a building project and a wedding. That’s a lot of stuff in one year. Pride, depression, anger, doubt, joy, fear, more anger, wonder, dealing with mortality, self-loathing. That’s a lot of emotion to experience in one year, sometimes in one day. Many good things happened in 2008, some of the nicest moments in my life, but I gotta tell ya. I am happy to see her go. It’s time for a year of sitting on my butt reading the stack of books I bought in 2008 and haven’t finished yet.
Yet, I’m not sure if slowing down is really what I want. Here are my resolutions.
1. Take better care of me.
2. Blog regularly. I might need the assistance of some mental Ex-Lax.
3. Drink less.
4. Write more.
5. Speak my mind.
6. Avoid trouble.
That’s enough. Let’s see how it goes. Anyone interested in a blogging accountability group?
Bubtrout’s Blatherings
baseball, baptists, the Bible, bebop and other brain drizzle.
I thought a lot about creating a blog when I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. The problem with blogs is they are meant to be shared and I don’t always have the courage to share what is going on in my heart and mind. For that matter, I generally skipped the “diary phase” when I was a kid because I didn’t want to document the aforementioned heart and mind activity. It makes me feel vulnerable and that is uncomfortable.
Tonight (at our Wednesday night supper at church) I sat across from a sweet lady who has had some unwanted attention into her family life and we were talking about how God uses what is happening to us to change us into what He wants us to be. Like me, she is someone who wants to keep things private. I shared with her that my main concern with the cancer wasn’t death (only God knows when/where/how and I accept that it may have no rhyme or reason to me or other humans) but that I was going to go through a array of emotions, concerns and decisions and that I did not want to share that with others – maybe what I felt would be a poor witness for Christ, it might make others judge me, it would show I was vulnerable, etc. Fortunately, someone (who I deeply appreciate and made a significant difference in how I was able to go through my journey) told me to just feel what I felt (paraphrased).
This person giving me permission to be real and authentic was a huge relief.
I am still not comfortable with the idea of a blog about serious things but I am more comfortable about sharing personal information.