Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds

I thought I should write some thoughts about how much Roger Clemens disgusts me since I never hesitate to stick it to Barry Bonds when I get a chance. I am an equal opportunity despiser, no racist here. I heard today that GW might consider pardoning Roger if he is indicted for perjury. WTF!? If he does that, he better do the same for Barry Bonds and, by the way, I gotta a frickin’ speeding ticket in Lansing, Kansas on the way to see my sick mom. Could you take care of that too? The whole proceeding sickens me; smug congressmen, lying witnesses, slimy lawyers and a display of University of Texas learnin’ that should embarrass every redneck south of Stillwater, Oklahoma. Andy Petitte, him I respect. It ain’t that people don’t screw up, my God, we all screw up, and it ain’t that people don’t do everything they can to cover up their screw ups, my God, we all do everything we can to cover up our screw ups, but when you are caught, admit it and move on. Be humble, be penitent. Hell, we don’t even care if it’s real, just act like it. We’ll forgive ya. We don’t know any better. But we can spot a liar a mile away, and Roger, you are one. C’mon dude, spill the beans and let’s move on.

Loneliness vs. being alone.

I am lonely. Painfully lonely. I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t really know how to act. I am in Leavenworth because my Mom had a massive heart attack and she is in ICU at a local hospital. The days aren’t so bad; my sister and sometimes my brother meet at the hospital and we spend the day together talking about old times, trying to hammer out some old hurts and deep seated bitterness. It’s the nights that are terrible. My sister and brother go home to their families. I go back to my Mom’s where everything in the house reminds me of her. I moved her packed suitcases off the bed so I could have a place to sleep, packed because she was supposed to be in Scottsdale visiting me right now. Instead I sit alone in her living room, freezing cold, drinking Jack and feeling lonely. It’s different than being alone. Alone is a choice, a time to reflect and enjoy the quiet. I want a circus. I want fireworks. I want a crowd of people asking tons of questions or listening to my stories or another of my dumb jokes. It’s just hard. o, I am trying to figure out stuff about life; mine, hers, and the point in general. I will keep you posted. Right now – not so many answers. 

Heartfelt thanks.

I want to say thank you to all of you who’ve been praying for my mom and I ask that you keep up the good work. For the last two months, probably longer, I am increasingly aware of who God is and what he is asking of me. The first thing is to give up control to Him, control of all the things I can’t control, actually, control of all the things I think I control. It’s not easy. I like to consider myself strong and self reliant, the hero, the one who fixes things. With God’s lead, I can fix a lot of things and help people out. But at some point, you know; life, death, tornadoes, natural disasters, superbowl drivers, winter visitors, I mean at some point you have to turn it over. So I learn slow. That’s unfortunate. People, friends, have spoken truth to me lately, telling me I am bombastic and hard-headed and can brow-beat someone into thinking like me. They are right and I am trying to not do that anymore. But it is out of my control as well. Bottom line is this, I want to surrender to the spirit and let him develop the fruits of the spirit in my life and quit settling for the good works I can accomplish that keeps me too busy to allow the fruit to grow. Rambling? You bet. I hope to clarify over the next few days. You keep praying, okay? I will keep you updated. Today is a better day. Thank you all.